My father, a successful Cuban lawyer in the 1950’s, listened to Castro and like my mother was persuaded to support the revolution–he ran guns for the insurgents. In 1959 he was offered a position in the new government but turned it down when he realized his mistake: there would be no new democracy as promised. This led him to help with the Bay of Pigs invasion and ultimately cost him his life. My mother escaped to the US with only her four children and the clothes on our backs. Like many Cuban refugees we started with nothing but each other and a bitter lesson in the dangers of listening to Castro.
Asked about Cuba’s new president during the last Democratic debate, Mr. Obama said he was willing to meet with Raúl Castro “without preconditions”. Mrs. Clinton said “I would not meet with him until there was evidence that change is happening.” At a Town Hall Meeting in Rock River Ohio, Mr. McCain said “I don’t know why in the world you would want to sit down with Raul Castro under no conditions for it. I have no idea what that would do except perhaps enhance the prestige of a guy who was really the enforcer for Fidel Castro for long periods of time.”
Whatever prestige the Castro brothers have enjoyed since turning Cuba into a communist state has not been due to any U.S. presidents being willing to meet with them and listen. It’s never happened. Arguably, rebukes such as McCain’s and Clinton’s have only fueled the regime’s propaganda machine. For nearly fifty years we’ve stood our ground, refused to listen, and where has that left us? At the same impasse we were at in 1960.
When we lived in Ohio in the early 1960’s every Sunday after church our family would meet in the church hall with the small community of other Cubans who lived nearby. The highlight for me was when the adults would organize all the boys in a line, drop the needle on a 45 rpm record player, and start us marching by the Cuban flag as Cuba’s national anthem blared from the tiny speaker. Like my brothers who marched with me I silently swore, as I saluted the flag, that I would win our country back by force. There was no point in listening to Fidel. He lies.
Anyone who knows anything about the science of conflict resolution knows that a willingness to listen is the first step to resolving conflict. Disagreements and lies are inevitable. Sorting through them is not that hard if you are clear on what you need. Over time, I have been on both sides of this debate. In my personal experience Cubans in the US today are as divided on this issue as are the candidates for president. But most Americans think all Cubans feel as McCain does.
I feel very differently today because of what history and experience has taught me. As a psychologist I have helped people and organizations break what seemed like impenetratable impasses, but only after there was a willingness to listen to one another. If we’re going to change Cuba we have to engage Cuba. And the first step is to invite its new leader to the table and listen to what he has to say. Raul Castro is no longer the “enforcer” he’s now the “decider” (sorry couldn’t help myself). We may or may not like what we hear, but one thing is certain. Continuing to not listen won’t break the impasse.
If the son of a man who was killed by the Castro brothers is willing to listen to Cuba’s new president, why shouldn’t our new president?
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April 14, 2008 at 11:24 pm
Benjamin Bielefeld
I, for one, completely agree with you. It is about time we at least listen. Obviously we will not see the change happening soon. By the time we can see it there is really not a whole lot to do. I think that Obama is in the right to say that he is willing to meet with Raul Castro “without preconditions”.
– Benjamin.
April 16, 2008 at 11:32 pm
Bud Weiss
I agree with you and am an Obama supporter. He is working clearly to bring people together which is the only way there can be real progress anywhere. I am a Jewish man who supports dialog also in the so called Middle East as well as in Cuba. For my support of dialog in the Middle East, I am called a self hating Jew by some of the members of my large extended family who simply refuse to speak to me about any of this and interestingly some clearly agree with Bush and Clinton feeling the same way about Cuba, i.e. don’t talk to Raul.
Some of my extended family have settled in Israel since the 60s.
My aunt, Rose Jacobs, deceased several years ago was a co-founder along with Henrietta Szold of Hadassah, which is one of the largest women’s organizations in the world supporting Israel’s hospital movement begun by them in the late teens and early 20s just after WW1. She was a tremendous supporter of the young struggling immigrants and others in Israel as they formed their kibutzeem and worked to make a real homeland for Jews to live with their Arab neighbors. The project of Hadassah was to bring medical support to people, Arab and Jews alike in that region. While often referred to as Zionists, both of them none the less, were totally against the Zionist movement to create a Zionist State abandoning the Arab inhabitants of the land toward the Hegemony of the Jewish State. My Aunt took a lot of grief because of her stand being called a self hating Jew over the course of her life despite her contributions. The history of the Hadassah movement has been forgotten and is particularly instructive in regard to what you are about.
see http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G1-112870703.html
While the consequences and the dangers of the time were quite different, I am also reminded of how my father was ostracized by the Jewish community of his time in the late 30s when he, as the Florida State amateur Golf Champion, played at some of the highly restricted clubs at the insistence of some of the great non Jewish golfers of the time. These forthright fair minded professionals threatened to take their endorsements of those clubs away unless my father was allowed to play there. Meanwhile, the people of my father’s castigated him for playing at those clubs saying how could you play at those places which have denigrated and restricted Jews? My father’s answer was, they don’t restrict them now, I’m there. His presence and his humanity helped to change beliefs on both sides leading to the elimination of those restrictions in several of the clubs and the joining together of people from both cultures.
April 17, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Brandon Davis
Such activity is a clear and positive force. I applaud you for your contributions, especially with an apparent understanding that these actions that we take today may not come to fruition for several generations. And yet, here you are, planting seeds, and nurturing sprouts from seeds planted by your parents, all the way to the old growth forest of loving kindness that has been sustained through the ages, and is the birthright of all to come. Thank you.
April 18, 2008 at 11:49 am
Easy Klein
About ten years ago, I visited Cuba and was very impressed by the gains that had been made in literacy, sustainable aagriculture and the medical field. Yes, I knew there was a cost in oppression and that many were suffering under the regine. But you, as the author of “I’m not sick, I don’t need help,” know better than I do that to break cycle of animosity and resistance we must seek common ground. That takes no bravery on my part but as a Cuban refugee you deserve high praise for your position.
April 21, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Jim Billington
Dr. Amador,
Your ability to see a better form of conflict resolution should be paid attention to especially given the fact that your father was killed by Castro. If anyone should have a desire for revenge, it would be those who have lost loved ones in conflict. The problem with continuing the imbargo and lack of dialog has done little to help the average Cuban citizen. Lifting travel restrictions could improve our understanding of each other. Our govenments indoctrinate us into a mob mentality of fear and distrust but I’ll bet that if we were to get to know each other, we would find that we are much more alike than different.
My family spent some time on a Kibbutz in Israel at the time of the first intifada in 1987 and saw how quickly friendships were lost and hate took over. President Carter’s trip to speak with Hamas leaders is not looked at in a positive light by US or Israeli politicians but it is the type of courageous action by reaching out that can inevitably bring peace.
May 28, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Gina Pera
Wonderfully done, Dr. Amador.
I wish more experienced mental-health clinicians and research scientists like you would weigh in on such “worldly” matters.
The public–and the politicians–need education, not pandering to primitive-brain instincts.
(I’m looking forward to reading your new book!)
Gina Pera
August 14, 2008 at 9:13 am
Arabian Stallions
I really appreciate the time it took you to write this post, thanks!
October 17, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Cristina Chenal
I wish more people understood the advantages of communication in order for conflict resolution. In today’s mass Information Technology era of globalism, staying silent and uncompromising is no longer a feasible option. Non-state Actors and other Nations will be doing the compromising for the U.S (thus eroding our sovereignty and “power”) if we can’t “suck it up” and do the talks… in other words, no country absolutely relies on another country. There are options due to the globalized world. America’s unwillingness to compromise, and our belief that doing so is a sharp stab to Cuba, is eroding as globalism ensues. Cuba has options! Compromising will only benefit the two, and help America maintain it’s hegemony.
I also find it perplexing that with America’s long-enduring agenda of democratizing the world, they feel they can do so without communication, the platform of Democracy, and involvement of demos (citizens)….. Practice what we preach! Let’s get on the ball.
P.S Love the entry!